pet peeve #3,405 -

working with people that have no sense of urgency.

actually, being around them at all in all life situations. 

lesson that needs to be learned here -

PATIENCE

plan- 

fuck patience. i'll continue to get frustrated and curse you in my mind until i get a little older and learn to accept people's differences. until then, i think i'm still at that age where i'm allowed to have shitty, useless and self damaging human traits. 

prediction-

i will probably never grow out of this. after all, judgement and impatience are the traits that the stars engraved in me so i'll just leave working on those things for my next life. the one i'm hoping i won't have.

She said, "kiss me." she whispered it and delivered it through telephone wires while i was trying to sleep and said, "why didn't you ever kiss me?"

i just calmly replied, "because i know you'd just cry harder every night and miss me." Because if i told her the brutal truth, i'd break that already torn apart heart. i'd shatter those diluted, hopeful, impractical thoughts of how she viewed this tragic hopeless love clot.

she would always say, "i wanted to kiss you so badly." But did you really?

do you still want to kiss me when you're in the arms of your permanent dire lover? the one you curse under your breath and deem an insincere awful liar? the one you said you hated when we were in bed together? the one that made you pathetically weep hard enough to tell me you were never going back to him ever?

i still wonder. i haven't cried in a while but i really do still wonder. wonder if she thinks of me when his worthless mouth fails to arouse her. if she discreetly fantasized about me when his flimsy dick can't get any harder. if she wishes it were my smooth naked breast her head was resting on. if she lays in her bed and cried into the pillows i once slept on.

she used to say "kiss me"

she used to whisper it and diligently deliver it through telephone wires and say "why didn't you ever kiss me?" and still, i just calmly reply, "because i know you'd just cry harder every night and miss me."

old # 86

A four walled cave

Goblets of wine

A memorable man

A cluttered confession

How lonely of me to allow the rhythm of your warm spasmodic thrusts

Graciously making room for you tongue

And lustfully letting your hands grip on

A flawed fascination

A watery word

A sphere of smoke

An overdue magnetism never affirmed

How stupid of me to become the secret sullen suitor

Staying startled at the moutfuls of my neckline

And the continous sobbing that followed in the worthless afternoons

A remorseful regret

A humping heart

A hopeless humility

A continual curious craving

How useless of my time to peroxide the memory

.

don't you hate it when you spend your friday night on the couch, hunched over a shitty bowl of oatmeal watching Pet Sematary 2 cuz your broke ass can't afford to leave the house and then you start thinking about what you're going to eat this week and those thoughts lead to you thinking maybe it's a good thing you don't have enough money for groceries so maybe you'll keep losing weight and that thought sparks the new realization that every part of your body is getting thinner except your stomach and you start wondering if its just the hormones of your birth control pills or the slight chance that you might be pregnant and then you scribble on the inside of your hand a tiny reminder to walk to the dollar store to purchase a baby detector test but you sort of internally laugh it off and think maybe you're just bloated and then you just stop your thoughts, get off the couch and go outside for some fresh air with a cigarette in your mouth.